WWake Up America!ith worldwide ratings of the United States at an all-time low, it is sadly unsurprising that American McGee’s latest game, “Bad Day LA” is being critically savaged, garnering scores as low as 10%. As a patriotic American, I find this outrageous. It is clear to me now that both the national and international gaming press are full of tree-hugging liberals just looking to do a little American bashing. Giving Mr. McGee low ratings is letting the terrorists win as surely as eating French Fries rather than Freedom Fries is.

The reviewers claim it is full of bugs, justifying their low scores by happening to mention that occasionally civilians walk around on fire without concern, and flying into the air a few seconds after they’ve actually exploded. WAKE UP PEOPLE! American is out there making the world safe for game players, and you complain about a few innocent bystander immolations and car bombs? Talk about missing the forest for the trees!

The reviewers go on to complain that the game is simply not fun. Yes, seriously, they complain they aren’t having fun playing the game. Well boo-fucking-hoo. We’re in a war here! Fun helps Iran build nukes. Fun helps bin Laden’s liver disease get better. Fun is not what American is about! I try not to delve into my personal views on life too deeply here on the Forge, but I just want to go on the record here as saying that the reason bin Laden is still running loose isn’t because America’s Secretary of Defence helped train him. No, that’s just traitor talk. The real reason is because you all won’t just line up behind American and wave the flag. I think someone should find the best review ever given to a French game, and give Bad Day LA (a celebration, I might add, of an American city’s ability to stick together in times of crisis, poetically reminiscent of the admirable reaction of New Yorkers to 9/11) a better review. Take THAT Al-Qaeda!!

–matt
P.S. I haven’t (and have no plans to) play Bad Day LA, but Alice, American’s twisted take on Alice in Wonderland, kind of rocked. I just like giving people who put their name on the product, as in “American McGee’s Bad Day in LA” a hard time. Hmm….”Matt Mihaly’s Achaea, Dreams of Divine Lands.” Bleh. No…double-bleh. When Miyamoto-san starts putting out “Shigeru Miyamoto’s Zelda: The Twilight Princess” maybe I’ll change my mind.